After a good inspiring movie. I always feel the need to write or do something.
And today, I guess it’s writing.
Maybe i’ll do something later. ;)
I felt the need to start with a quote from the movie that keeps inspiring me every time I watch it, whether I needed it for healing or just being in the mood to watch it. No matter how many times I watch it I always learn something new from it or remember things I’ve; said, done, promised, etc. And the quote that hit home today was.
I’ve always settled for misery. No matter how many times I want to be happy or have found happiness, I always find myself in misery, no matter what it is. But I think that’s my mistake… I think I’m happy or I want to make things feel happy and lively when I know it’s not and I am not either. I always force myself into hoping that finally I will feel true happiness.. But the fact is I really don’t know what happiness is because I don’t give myself a chance or time. I always pick things that I THINK will make me happy or what would make others happy; instead of going with the flow and not thinking too much of things. I over think it.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have done the same since. My emotions have been burned, pillaged and adapted to the new circumstances but I still need to find a way to built myself up the way I wanted. I still haven’t gone through my actual healing processes; the moment where I can sit and actually think about what is wrong with me and what can I do to fix it. I’m to busy trying to find a way to please others and still maintain some sort of part myself still alive that I’ve done nothing for anyone, even myself.
Maybe Elizabeth Gilbert is right, maybe I am scared of failure, of living my own life and not being as perfect as I wanted it to be and maybe my life isn’t as chaotic as I make it be, maybe it’s a lot more simpler. Maybe its just the world and I’m just to busy giving it attention that I have forgotten what the most important person in my life is; which of course is just me. That’s the simplest answer to balance, and the key is me. I’m my own answer to balance.
And that’s where I will start today.
I am my own ruin and I am my own transformation.
Let the healing begin.